The first couple of rides with Remy, I would make my trainer warm up my horse...that worked for about a month and then it was my turn. Remy is like driving a well oiled machine. Power, beauty and intelligence. Me? Well I reckon I'm the opposite. On a good day I stand 5', short torso and I simply struggle with my riding confidence.
In the early days, when we arrived at the trot portion of the lessons, another trainer at the barn asked me if it was hard to sit the trot. I was like no, I just suck at this. It was true - as much as I have ridden, he was new to me. We were new to each other. Try getting on a new horse whose buttons you don't know and ask him to do things you are not so sure of yourself. And that's how I felt every time I rode. A fish out of water. I had trained horses through 3rd level. Had ridden a GP school master yet here I was not even able to make a 20M circle. I was so humbled. Here was a horse that demanded in a very real way to stand up to the proverbial plate on a daily basis. And on a daily basis l was reflected in my horse's eyes. A mediocre rider who could afford a nice horse. How to change the narrative? Remy took it all in stride after he figured me out. He thought he was retired and his show days were over. He also thought he had to do the minimum because I could only do the minimum...the days passed - if this was movie you would see a montage of me riding every day making tiny incremental strides -- then one day we arrived at the center portion of our lesson and neither he nor I know what happened but he bucked into the canter transition and I feel on his neck and he panicked and I double panicked and I came off. He ran away, but stayed in the arena, looked back at me with the "oh shit look in his eye". Had anyone ever come off him? He comes from the land of exceptional riders and by the look on his face it might have been the first time. There I was eating sand in my arena. My left elbow took the brunt but it was not injured. Just a boo boo. However, more fear crept in my heart. A better way to put it, that fear made a permanent residence in my heart.